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Friday, February 4, 2011

Fooling myself

I've been snowed in for about 4 days now with no water. I don't know why but even though i'm stuck here with my guitars/books/computer I feel like not doing anything. I don't really understand it. I have this feeling like i'm never going to actually accomplish anything out of all this. All the songs I write, all the stories I come up with, and no one will ever read or hear them. I pretend and tell everyone that I REALLY want to be a teacher but I really want to be a guitarist for a living, I want a crowd of people screaming my name, I want to change peoples lives. I want to matter. I don't even know how to feel anymore. I'm 21, living at home, single, no job, shitty car, and I don't know if I will ever amount to shit. Maybe one day everything will work out but that's just a kind of false hope isn't it? It's very obvious that you have to be lucky to make it in music and luck isn't exactly something I have. I just need to keep playing for the love of it and hope that one day it leads somewhere. Oh well, no biggie.

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