I'm at school.

It is 9:37 in the morning and I am at school. . .I have been here since around eight for one class. Algebra. Science I can get, English I'm fine with, Music I excel at BUT math I fail at every time. As I move forward in life and get better at everything I do I still can't figure out math. I'm well aware that it is just steps. If you know the steps than you can figure it out fairly easily. I just can't seem to grasp and remember each step, it all seems very arbitrary and useless to me.

You're in a downward spiral.

You look around, it seems like everyone else is handling themselves with great dignity, they go through break ups, they lose friends and just move on, it amazes you. There is this girl. You saw her every day, you wanted her so bad. It wasn’t sexual at all, she was great to you. She treated you so well and made you pull out ideas and emotions you though you never had. You would say, “I’m fine!” and she would call you out knowing you weren’t. You would make fun of yourself and she would expose that you only do this to protect yourself. She made you so happy, she was always there.

But.

She wasn’t yours, she never was. Someone else had her. You were a side project, an accessory. At least that’s how you felt. It’s not like she meant to do this to you, and she didn’t, you did this to yourself.

You and I are the same. We are the same person. So what now? With her gone you need sedatives to make it through the day. Your songs aren’t inspired, your work ethic is nearly gone. Weed, alchohol, and sleeping pills are all that’s on your mind now.

You write on a tumblr that has become a type of secret journal that anyone could see if they only knew the url. Maybe she could see this, maybe she would know who it was about. Maybe she would call you to talk. Maybe the idea of a “maybe” scenario is all that keeps you going.

You started writing this knowing it would be about you, you try to write in the third person even though anyone that had known you for more than a day could see right through you. Just like she could.

You know that it was more than a crush, you could tell by that empty feeling after she left.

You know it will never be more than what it is.

It is what it is.

And it is over

for you

and I.

Anybody here?

I know it's been a while. Has anyone here ever had weight problems? If so how do YOU deal with them?

Preconceived Notions/Judgement

Let’s be honest, you’re going to be judged. You’re going to judge people. Either accidentally or on purpose, it’s going to happen. Unfortunately the entire idea of never judging anyone is just very unrealistic.

The important thing to remember is that whatever it is that separates you from anyone else is completely inconsequential. To a point of course. While I will decide for myself who I think is worth spending my time and emotion on by what type of person they are, it is necessary to remember that everyone should have an equal playing field. Sex, race, disability, religion, musical taste, whatever, these things mean nothing to me when I meet you. I am going to judge for myself if you are a good person or not by how you present yourself and the choices you make.

Being a black guy that says that most white guys are racist makes you just as racist as a white guy who thinks all black people are thieves. Being a woman who thinks all guys are pigs makes you no better than a guy who thinks all woman are sluts. The list goes on and on.

The double standard has to stop.

Are there racist white people? Yes. Are there black thieves? Yes. Are there slutty woman? Yes. Are there guys who treat woman like shit? Yes. All of these things exist. What you have to remember is that is not their race/sex ect. that made them this way, it is THEM. You as a person have a choice. I as a man CAN treat a woman like shit BUT it would not be because I am a man, it would be because I am an asshole.

I am ok with the generalization that all assholes suck. That is perfectly fine. But lets get it straight. All guys aren’t assholes, all women aren’t sluts, all gays aren’t feminine, all christians don’t hate gays, all muslims aren’t suicide bombers. Ect.

Judge me, i’m cool with that, it’s going to happen. But judge me on the choices I make, not on my skin, sex, sexual orientation, or religion. Because that person could be the nicest person on the planet and could treat you amazingly. If you go in with preconceived notions of who this person is you are wasting who they really are.

Just sayin

-Skenny

I love to know your thoughts. Please leave them in the comment section below.

Holy Shit It's Been A While!

Sorry guys! I lost my Adsense stuff and got a job so my motivation/time has been lacking BUT I am definitely coming back soon! Starting tomorrow I will be updating almost every day again and hopefully not disappointing everyone haha. Much love friends. I hope to see yah soon.

Been a while.

In case you're wondering why I haven't been posting it's because I recently got an EMAIL from Google letting me know that since my views were inconsistent they would be shutting down my Adsense account therefore making this blog unable to be monotized. So obviously I kinda lost the drive to keep blogging but i was wondering, do you guys want me to keep going because if enough people will keep reading this than I will keep going but if it's just me reading it haha then i'll probably quit. Let me know guys. Love yah

Great news all around!

Follow me on twitter here.

While I didn't update yesterday due to a hell of a bad mood, I have nothing but great news to bring you today.

I played at a Starbucks yesterday and was told by a few people that i'm a pretty good singer/guitar player so a little bit of my low self esteem and confidence issues got chiseled at which felt good. But the biggest news is that after almost a year of filling out hundreds of applications I finally have a job. I'm now a cashier at The Dollar Tree, while it may not be very attractive of a position I don't really care, I just feel so relived and happy that I have a job ANYWHERE. It feels good to know that my hard work has finally payed off in what seems to be a fairly positive way. I still haven't gotten a call from Guitar Center but if I could land both jobs I would be very happy.

In related news, school is going very well. Good grades and all blah blah blah. A new review should be up soon since I know i've been pretty lazy lately.

I wish you guys all a wonderful day and leave you with an amazing performance by Boyce Avenue.

Guitar Center/Dollar Tree

Wanted to let you guys know that i've been really busy writing essays, recording music and a ton of other stuff. I know I posted about having a couple interviews and they both went really well! I should be getting a call on Friday letting me know what's up. I don't have much else to talk about so I will update tomorrow. Here is a random video for your viewing pleasure.

Last Night, Great News, and 100 Followers!

I had a great time at the Boyce Avenue show last night, it was one of the best shows I have seen in a long time. The lead singer was funny and had an amazing voice. It seems that as good things have I feel like good karma has started to catch up with me. Today I had an interview with Dollar Tree that went well AND tomorrow I have an interview with Guitar Center. I haven't felt this relieved in a long time. I'm hoping all the hard work I've put into job searching will finally pay off. Wish me luck guys!

ALSO, 100 FOLLOWERS!

Random Vid of the day!

Stupid people, Boyce Avenue, And Random Shit.

So, like I said yesterday i'm going to see Boyce Avenue tonight at the House of Blues. I can't wait, I need a little relaxation. At the moment i'm babysitting for my friend, for whatever reason she is just dancing and laughing right now, so not too hard of a job haha. So I met this girl a few days ago and here is a conversation I had with her earlier today, I want to see what you guys think.

Her: "I would just love to have a guy who will play guitar for me all the time lol."

Me: "I'm available lol."

Her: "What's your point?"

Me: "You do realize i'm a guitarist right?

Her: "Yeah, so?"

Me ". . ."

Her: "What?"

Me: "I'm just gonna let you sit and think about this for a while"

Her ":/ ok. . ."

It's hilarious, I would be upset but I don't want to date someone who has fecal matter for brains. I meet girls like this all the time, maybe it's Texas, this place isn't exactly known for geniuses.

To wrap up this post here is the best video EVER. . .of today.

I have no words.

My friends blog!

My best friend started a blog a while back check it out here!

Boyce Avenue

So I was feeling a bit low on inspiration so I decided to watch some videos by Boyce Avenue, they are most famous for their cover songs on youtube and I hadn't checked on them in a long time and I found they had a ton more videos and they all sound so much better than their old videos. Then I checked out their new original stuff and found out that these guys are so much better than I ever imagined. SO me and a friend are going to see them live tomorrow night and usually shows help me jump start my creative process and I can't wait to see them. Here is a cover they did of a Michael Jackson song, wether or not you like MJ you should check it out. Thanks guys for all the support and stuff yesterday by the way. Have a great day!

Also, check out my review of their new album here.

A Little Disappointed In Myself

I have to apologize for not posting anything yesterday, I usually post every day and I spent all day yesterday recording/sleeping so I may have missed a day but at least I will give you something to listen to soon!

I've been working on a 3 song digital EP that I'm gonna throw up on Itunes and probably just sell for a couple bucks, if it goes well then I'm gonna record a 6 song EP that I will release with hard copies, I'm really excited about that one to be honest.

So, what kind of music do you guys listen to? If I recorded a acoustic CD would you guys chck it out?

Making money the weird way.

Being that I lost my job quite a while ago, I've gotten into the habit of trying to find ways to make money without finding a job, unfortunately this isn't quite as easy as it sounded when I thought of it. I started like most people, I backed up all my DVD's and CD's to my computer and sold them all, I started finding random shit around the house I could sell on Ebay. Right now my biggest source of income is donating plasma, you can donate twice a week and my clinic gives about 60 bucks a week which is better than nothing. That and some surveys my local mall does for 75 bucks are my major source of income at the moment. Some friends suggest that I sign up for clinical trials for new medicines, and donate sperm. I'm trying to avoid those while I look for a job.

Do any of you do anything like this for money? Do you know of any other ways to make supplemental income while job searching?

New Music

Sitting in Starbucks, drinking a Black Eye. SO MUCH CAFFEINE. It's a cup of coffee with two espresso shots for those who don't know. Now you know. But on to different news.

Writing music is coming along fine. In fact I wanted you guys to check out a video I made of me playing part of a song I might use for my record. It's short but I think it sounds good. Also, the audio will only come out of one earphone, just wanted to let you guys know before you started complaining, it would annoy me too. I just can't seem to fix it, it only recorded to one side so if I try to level out the audio it just mutes all together.

You can watch that video here.

Not much is happening today other than that. So lets do the question for today! What is one thing(book, movie, song) you wish you could have been the person to write it and why(anything but for monetary reasons).

Also check out my review of Chuck Palanhucks(Spell Check someone?) newest book Snuff on my other blog at seankennyreviews.blogspot.com

The Little Things.

So I would like to start off by saying that someone messaged me yesterday who will not be named and told me that if I kept posting stuff about being depressed they would un-follow and not read my blog anymore. To them I say go ahead. I really don't care. This is a personal blog and if you don't like what i'm posting then leave. No skin off my nose.

Now onto normal stuff. So yesterday sucked just as much as I thought it would up to a certain point. As most of you have read we have had a lot of problems with our water at the house and our well had gotten really messed up. We called someone up to come fix it and they spent the day, V-Day of course, fixing it. When they were done my mom asked how much it would be for fixing it and the guy said "It's on me, happy valentines day!" and left. So as cynical and jaded as I am I guess i'm wrong. Maybe humanity isn't absolutely horrible, and maybe these days aren't as bad as I make them out to be.

So, lets do a new thingy. Lets do a question of the day.

What is something someone has done for you that maybe gave you more faith in humanity or vice-versa? Leave your replies in the comments below.

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Valentines Day Horrors

Well, it's the day. The big V-Day. The big corporate holiday where they try to convince us that if we are single we are worthless and if we are in a relationship that we need to love our significant other more than usual today! Today makes me sick. It really does. This is my 21st V-day alone and maybe i'm just jaded, maybe i'm just cynical. I don't care either way, this day makes me feel horrible just because I can't seem to find anyone to be with. then you have your friends who tell you "make it about your family and friends! It doesn't have to be about a relationship!" Well, yeah, except for everywhere you turn there is a V-day commercial, a couple holding hands, a romantic movie, a billboard, and it all just makes me want to vomit. Did the have to do this? Did they have to pick one day out of the year to make single people feel like they are less important than our infatuated counterparts? I had plans for today, plans for friends and family and such but pretty much everything has been broken and i'm going to spend most of the day alone. The grand finale will be getting drunk at a wing bar that has dollar beers tonight. I told somebody this and their reply was "I'm sure you'll meet someone there!" Jesus Christ, really? This kind of annoying optimism makes me sick. It's not that I hate being positive, I just enjoy being realistic. Nobody is going to pick up the 21 year old, jobless, drunk guy at the bar. It's fine I guess, i'm sure in a few years i'll be out celebrating today with a significant other and I'll try to be positive and optimistic with friends of mine who are in the same boat that i'm in now. Everything goes in cycles in a way. So maybe i'm just negative, cynical, jaded, but thats just how I am today. Tough break.

An Atheist In Church

Check out my movie reviews here.

I went to church today. I figured it would be good to step out of my comfort zone and give it a shot anyway. Unfortunately I felt really uncomfortable. This was not the fault of the church or church goers, everyone I met was really nice and really honest. For the first time I felt like I met some religious people who REALLY felt strong about what they believed in. they were very accepting and even though they knew I was an atheist never gave me any pressure or any harsh words. What made me uncomfortable was that the topic of the service was relationships, and was kind of huge in my face reminder that i'm single. I know they did this because V-Day is tomorrow and whatever but it kinda sucked. All in all though it was a good experience and it felt good to be accepted and not looked down upon by religious people because of my beliefs. More christians should strive to be as free of judgement as these were.

Also, I would like to say that I don't want anyone to argue about religion in the comments. Discussion is fine, just be respectful.

New review.

New review for It's Kind Of A Funny Story up at seankennyreviews.blogspot.com. There is a link to the left above my photo.